Do you ever look at the progress others are making and use it as a reason to get down on yourself? Does hearing about others' successes trigger you to want to quit? Comparing ourselves with others can be a toxic distraction that stems from our deep insecurities. To be truly successful in your pursuit for health and fulfillment, you must learn to let go of any comparison with others.

I have a lot of clients who tell me that when someone loses weight or sees amazing results in their pursuit to get healthy, it upsets them and causes them to go into a cycle of negativity. They see the results another person is creating and it makes them wonder why they're not having that kind of success. Admitting this out loud can make us feel ashamed, as if we shouldn't think or feel that way. But the truth (and I always remind my clients of this) is that we ALL feel this way at some point. 

From the time when most of us were in grade school, we were "accepted" or valued only when we hit a certain mark. Whether in sports, music, grades or our SAT scores, we would compare ourselves with the "standard" of what we were supposed to strive for or surpass; in this way many of us became accustomed to basing our worth on our efforts and results. 

Unfortunately, this type of "striving" thinking is not conducive to lasting weight loss or feeling confident in your body. It's also a surefire way to create stress, anxiety and hormonal imbalance (as if we don't have enough hazards to our health already!). It creates a conditioned way of thinking that in order to be happy with who we are, we must reach a weight loss or health goal. Until then, we believe, we can't be happy and punish ourselves for not having what we want.

Coming from a place of "I must reach this level in this amount of time or I'm not good enough" is where most of us get our motivation to improve our health. That's why we go into comparison mode when we see that others are making progress and we convince ourselves that "everyone" is getting what they want…except for us. Comparison sends most people into a downward cycle of negative self-talk, self-abuse and low energy. It makes us want to quit or force results to come quicker. Thinking this way and coming from a place of desperation will never, ever bring us the long-term health and balanced, energized body we want. 

If you've been living in a place of comparison, it's time to recognize when you're doing it and shift this toxic habit. In next week's Featured Article, we'll focus on "What You'll Find on the Other Side of Comparison." Until then, take a step in the right direction of overcoming comparison mode. Write down everything that comes up for you when you hear about someone else's results. Carry around a notepad with you and write down anything and everything you're thinking until you get to the root of what's really bothering you. That's when you'll identify what belief is triggering you. And, you'll realize it was never about the person or their success; it was always about some belief you have about yourself.

Action Step: Write down every time you compare yourself with someone else in the next week. Record every thought and feeling that's coming up until you get to the core belief that was triggered by this person's success. 

Do you wake up groggy or cranky? What you do before you go to bed has a big impact on your dream state and the way you feel when you wake up the next morning. In addition to your Evening Adventure (discussed in previous posts), your nighttime thoughts have a big impact on your ability to reach your health goals.

Even if you don't remember your dreams, your subconscious mind is active during sleep. This is the part of the brain that filters important messages from our conscious brain and focuses on the messages that seem most important. How does the subconscious mind decide what's important? The thoughts we think the most and with which we associate the most emotion.

Here's why this is important if you want to have optimal, vibrant health: If you're mostly focused on how unhealthy you feel and you're giving a lot of energy to these negative thoughts, your subconscious brain will focus on creating more of this in your life. 

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In general you must always have a vision - not just a goal - for what you want to happen in your life. Take your health, for example. Most women don't know what they want; they simply know what they don't like. This is great because it's a start in the right direction for painting a vivid picture in your mind of how you'd like to look, feel and be. The more descriptive you get about this new, healthy life, the more you'll notice opportunities to help you shift your hormones or lose weight. You'll be so much more aware of the ways you can be successful in your health. Your brain will be focused on helping you find a solution for what you want. 

After reading Dr. Wayne Dyer's book, Wishes Fulfilled, it occurred to me that while I teach my clients that a HUGE part of losing weight and feeling amazing starts in the mind, I wasn't focusing my own thoughts before going to sleep at night. Most of us have long, tiring days so the evening makes our brains a little mushy. When I started being intentional about focusing my thoughts on my desires, I received answers to dilemmas in my dreams and upon waking each morning, and (bonus) I would wake in a calm, peaceful state. I don't know about you, but at 6:00am each morning I'm usually anxiety-ridden and ready to conquer the world. This was a huge transition for me!

The importance in all of this is to first have a mentally descriptive vision - one that you deeply connect with - and focus on it the last few minutes before falling asleep. Even if you don't dream anything special, notice how you feel when you wake up or how the tone of your days shifts slightly in a more positive way. Goodbye toxic thoughts and low self-esteem. Hello confidence and feel-good energy! 

Action Step: Get your vision down pat and be intentional about your thoughts before falling asleep each night. Thanks, Dr. Dyer.